PG (for some language only)
This is in answer to a challenge by TAE on
7/25/99 given during a live author chat. She dared everyone at the chat to write
a story about Blair finally getting his haircut. Weeelllll, I accepted the challenge.
I hope you like this. Positive comments are welcome. Please no flames. Spellchecked
but not betad. All mistakes are strictly my own. My muses took over on this
one, in fact they were chattering in my head as soon as TAE issued the challenge!
It went in a little different direction then I had intended, but you cant
fight with the muses, now can you? Or the guys talking in your head? Hope you
enjoy it. Btw, TAE, thanks for issuing the challenge. This was fun.
Not mine, wish they were. I make no money from this.
Yes, after it is betad. I will announce when it is ready for general consumption.
This is a sneak peek for my friends at CT.
am still not cutting my hair!// The words still echoed inside Blairs brain
as he walked dejectedly out of the Captains office. Head hung low, feet
dragging, waving his hand at Simons parting words. He grumbled to himself,
"This sucks, man, really, really sucks!" He bumped into a large body
and bounced backwards. Henri caught his arm to keep the younger man from falling
Blair mumbled an apology.
Hairboy! Whats up? Whats with the long face?"
the former graduate student could utter a reply, Banks called from his office.
"Oh, and Sandburg?" Blair slowly turned around to look at the captain.
"Lose the sideburns, too. Regulations are regulations, son."
stiffened at the last remark and nodded once.
smile faded as he realized what the captain had meant. "Oh man, Im
sorry about that, Blair. Simon couldnt talk the Chief into letting you keep
the locks, huh?" Blair shook his head sadly.
He tried every angle, but no go. Im so not looking forward to this. My hairdresser
is going to freak when she has to cut my hair. Hell, Ill freak when she
grabs her scissors. Geez, this so unfair."
slapped the younger man on the back. "Cheer up, Hairboy! Hair is hair. Itll
grow back!" Sandburg
Grimaced at his
"Sure, itll grow back!
Only when I retire from the force, in what, 25 years?"
younger man gathered up his stuff from Jims desk and left the squad room.
He didnt even acknowledge the other Major Crimes detectives that greeted
him as they entered. Joel, Megan, and Rafe all looked at Henri for an explanation.
He silently motioned a scissors cutting hair. Joel grimaced in sympathy while
Megan looked after their departing friend. She turned to go after him but Joel
gently grabbed her arm and shook his head.
needs to deal with it himself, Megan. Hell come around to it. Eventually.
Let him do his grieving privately for a little while." She nodded in understanding.
then Simon came out of his office, carrying files that he proceeded to hand out
to the remaining detectives. The other officers glared at their captain, sympathizing
with Sandburgs plight. "Hey! Im only, the messenger, here. I
tried everything I could with the Chief. He even tried to go to bat with the Mayor
and she said she couldnt make any exceptions
whens D-day?" asked Rafe as he flipped through his file.
sighed and bit on his cigar. "By 5 p.m. tomorrow or he gets suspended from
off the protective apron and jumped out of the chair. He threw his hands up in
the air and stalked away. "Greta
.I, I, I cant do this! This is
His exit out the door was blocked
by a large framed man with a military cut hair. Behind him was another, taller
man, who crowded into the doorway, effectively blocking his exit. A third man
peered around their shoulders. Sandburg looked around for another escape route
and sprinted for the backroom. Just as he reached the threshold to the backroom,
he was stopped by three other people fanning out, blocking his escape.
man, this is so not fair!" stated the younger man. He backed up as the three
newcomers advanced on him. They backed him right into the chair he had only moments
before vacated. The hairdresser looked on in concern as Blair plopped into the
chair with a grunt. Jim reached down and snagged the apron off the floor and handed
it to the young lady.
She gave Jim a quizzical
look and he nodded. She draped the apron around Sandburg who groaned even louder.
Simon clapped his large hand on Blairs shoulder. "Relax, Sandburg.
It wont take long
.youll forget you ever had long hair!"
Chief, think about how quickly you can get ready in the morning! No hair to wrangle
with to get the snarls out or blow dry
." piped up Megan, with a smile.
more Hairboy jokes
" offered Henri.
sunk low in his chair as he looked from one friend to another as they spoke. "Oh,
man! How did you guys find out where I was?"
spread his hands out in response. "Were detectives, remember?"
Sandburg rolled his eyes in response.
up, Blair. The ladies will still love you, even with short hair!" offered
Joel in his fatherly manner.
wont, Joel. The long hair is one of the things that attracts them!"
shot back Blair as he crossed his arms, making the apron billow out. "It,
it defines who I am, man! In some tribal cultures the hair defines the manhood!"
groaned very loudly. "Spare us the anthro talk, Blair. Just get on with it!"
for you to say, Simon
.youve got short hair already! Ive had
this long hair since high school
.I, I just cant do it, man!"
no haircut, no academy. Your choice here," stated Ellison ticking the points
off his fingers in illustration. His friend sighed and looked even unhappier than
he had. Jim was afraid that his friend and partner was going to cry any second
he looked so depressed.
I just wear a wig?" asked Blair, giving Simon his famous puppy-dog eyes.
The police captain shook his head and the haircut victim shrugged his shoulders.
"Cant blame a guy for trying, right?"
Kid. Thats the first thing the academy instructor is going to look for
with you!" chided his captain.
looked pointedly at her watch and tapped her foot. Blair sighed and brought his
arms out from under the plastic, making shooing motions with his hands. "Okay,
guys. You can go now. I dont need an audience for this humiliation."
six people took a step closer, surrounding the chair and their friend. "No
way, Sandburg. Were not leaving. Especially since you already tried to escape
once. Well see it to the end. Besides, what are friends for?" asked
Simon with a feral smile. Connor stifled a giggle but not before Blair heard it.
Sandy. Ive even brought you an extra large evidence bag so you can keep
the shorn locks as a keepsake!" Megan pulled out a plastic bag from her handbag
and offered it to him.
real cute," replied Sandburg snidely and made a face as he took the bag.
"Is it going to be confiscated once I leave here and put in the evidence
"Hey, now, theres
a great idea, Chief!" crowed his roommate and partner. Blair shot Jim a killing
look, which the taller man reacted to by pretending to clutch his heart.
hairdresser picked up her scissors and clicked them meaningfully. Blair shuddered
and looked back at her. "Sorry about this, Greta. These are my so called
Jim motioned for Greta
to proceed. Just as she was about to pick up a lock of his hair to snip off, Rafe
whipped out a video camera and Henri brought out a 35-mm camera. Blair tried to
bolt again but strong hands on both his shoulders kept him in place.
sank back into the chair and groaned. "I think Im gonna be sick
Joel handed Blair a garbage can with a smile. "Thanks, Joel. Youre
all heart!" Joel shrugged and raised an eyebrow in return.
again motioned to Greta.
still camera flashed and the video camera whirred.
Blair," commanded Ellison.
you done yet?" asked the victim who had his eyes squeezed tightly shut during
Greta apologized and continued
cutting. Megan kept snagging the locks as the hairdresser dropped them on the
floor and put them into the evidence bag.
rubbed his nose as the hair tickled his proboscis. He jumped and opened his eyes
as he heard the electric clippers turn on. A shudder went through his whole body
as Greta applied them to his neck. "Geesh! I hate this part. Why do you think
I let my hair grow long in the first place?" he asked of no one in particular.
He looked down at the apron and turned white as he saw all the hair piled on his
lap. "Oh, man
.I shouldnt have done that
can?" Joel shoved it in front of the distraught young man and shook his head.
Blair draped his arms around the top of the can and hung his head over the edge.
His body trembled as his stomach lurched. Greta stopped cutting and looked at
"Breath in, Sandburg
out through your mouth. Think about relaxing
.think calming thoughts
coached his roommate. Blair glared at his roommate but found himself obeying anyway.
His stomach settled down and he was able to lift his head so the cutting could
When Greta was done, Simon motioned
for the sideburns to be cut off, too. She gently applied the clippers to the cheek/temple
area and Blair jumped.
"Now look what
you made Great do, Sandburg!" teased Ellison. "Shes gonna have
to give you a buzz cut for sure now
what with the big divot she just took
out of your hair
even louder. "This really and truly sucks, man!"
Greta was done repairing the "slip", she dusted off Blair and grabbed
a mirror. She gave it to the young man for him to inspect her work. He refused
to lift the mirror.
"Come on, Sandy.
Take a look. Its not bad, not bad at all," encouraged Connor as she
gently touched his now short hair. "Cute, really cute
looked at his Australian friend, narrowed his eyes at her, and mimicked her words.
and respectable, Sandburg," pronounced Simon. "Youll pass inspection
tomorrow for sure, now."
the evidence bag to Blair who took it gingerly. He looked at it sadly then slowly
brought his hand up to feel his scalp. He patted all around his head, trying to
get used to the sensation of not having the long locks to get his fingers tangled
in. His hands slid down to his sideburn area to feel the clean- skin. He took
a deep breath to steel himself for a look in the mirror. Rafe and Henri were ready
with the cameras. He slowly turned over the mirror, but closed his eyes. He couldnt
bring himself to look, just yet. He felt a hand on his shoulder and the gentle
squeeze of support. He breathed out and quickly opened his eyes, focusing into
And screamed. Everyone
jumped in surprise.
Dont do that!" complained Henri as he steadied the camera.
trying to give me a heart attack, Sandburg!" growled Banks. "You just
took another 10 years off my life!"
ten years?" remarked Joel. "I think my heart jumped out of my body!"
shot Taggart a quick look and winked. "At this rate, Im going to have
to either go back on medical leave or retire in a couple of months!"
rest of the Major Crimes detectives chuckled at the interchange.
stood and shook off the tiny hairs from his clothes. He shook his head and ran
his fingers through to shake out the little clippings. He made sure he sent them
towards Simon who jumped back with a growl. Blair shrugged his shoulders with
a sad smile. Jim clapped his friend on the shoulder and steered him toward the
front desk. Greta followed the detectives. Megan reached down and grabbed Blairs
backpack that he forgot.
she called holding up the backpack. Blair turned around and thanked her.
man, its already starting!" groaned the newly shorn cadet.
"The memory loss! Lose the
hair, lose the memory!" explained Blair.
come on, Blair. You really dont believe that stuff do you?" scoffed
Joel pointing to his head.
there is basis in fact for the Samson and Delilah stories, Joel
Blair, beginning to go into lecture mode.
snorted and tried to cuff his roommate. Blair dodged the cuff and set his backpack
down. He drew out his wallet and grabbed money out of it. Simon stopped him and
pulled out his own wallet. Blairs eyes got big and round as he realized
that his captain was going to pay for Blairs haircut. The young man gave
the captain an inquiring look.
this time, Sandburg," stated the Captain as he handed the money to the hairdresser.
"Consider it my apology for you having to get your hair cut."
mention it to anyone else but these guys," replied Simon as he indicated
the rest of the detectives. "And that means you, too, miss."
smiled and nodded. "Now maybe youll come more often, Blair. Remember,
every six weeks, or sooner, if you hair grows really fast!" Blair made a
face at her and nodded. He waved goodbye to her as Ellison steered him out the
door and towards the big blue and white Ford truck.
I did drive, ya know."
know. Thats why youre going to give your car keys to Henri. Hell
follow us in your car. I dont want you ducking out on me, and going all
weird in some kind of depression over the hair cut," explained his roommate
as he slammed the passenger door. Blair tossed Henri the keys who grinned evilly
at him. The newly shorn cadet groaned at the African American detective.
You be careful with my car, H!" admonished Sandburg as he leaned out the
Laughter was the only response
as H unlocked the car, climbed inside, and roared the engine to life, and zoomed
past the Ford truck. "Hey!" yelled Sandburg after the retreating old
Volvo. A large hand waved out the window in salute. "Oh, man! My cars
never going to survive his driving! Where the heck is H going? You said he was
going to follow us to the Loft, Jim."
He knows the way. Besides, were not going to the loft.
The gangs going to meet us over at Luigis restaurant." Jim winked
at his friend, knowing that Luigis was the best place in town to meet single
woman and thus, one of Blairs favorite restaurants.
wiggled his eyebrows in anticipation then frowned. "Oh no, man. Not Luigis!
I cant go in there
. Ill be the laughing stock of the place.
All the bartenders and servers know me
. Just, just drop me off at the Loft,
will you? I
I cant go in there like this." He pointed to
his regulation haircut. He looked at his friend and beseeched, "Come on Jim!
Have a heart here! Just take me home
. Now! I am NOT going into Luigis.
Not tonight or ever again!"
tell that his friend was getting all worked up over the restaurant. He shot a
look at Blair and grinned, "Never say never, Sandburg!"
begged through his clenched his teeth. "Im begging you, man! Not Luigis
you wont take me home, then Ill walk home. Just let me out here
history!" He quickly undid his seatbelt and began to open the door when a
large hand quickly grabbed his upper left arm in a vise-like grip. He tried to
pry the imprisoning fingers off.
.Iam not going to Luigis! And thats final!" He heard
the sudden clink and snick of a pair of handcuffs slapped onto his left wrist
and he yelled. "Hey! What the hell are you doing?"
grinned evilly at Sandburg and quickly snapped the other cuff to his own wrist.
"Making sure you dont do anything stupid and jump while the trucks
.And making sure you make it to the restaurant in one piece."
Jim. This is so not funny, man! Pull over and take these off me!"
can do, Chief. Youre going where Im going. Besides, Im bigger
than you. Or would you like me to place you under arrest for disorderly conduct?"
face fell and his eyes bugged out. "Oh man, you wouldnt!"
me, Junior," shot back his captor. "Now get back in the truck and shut
the door. Youre holding up traffic."
sighed heavily and slammed the door dejectedly. He slumped in the seat and put
his seatbelt back on, finding it difficult to maneuver with only one free hand.
trip to the restaurant was made in silence with Blair contemplating his shoes
the whole time. Ellison kept glancing at his roommate and saw how depressed the
younger man was. The detective almost turned toward home but then thought better
of it. He wanted his friend to realize that his social life hadnt ended
when Blair had gotten his hair cut. They pulled into the back parking lot and
Sandburg was pulled suddenly in the direction of Jim as the driver put the car
into park. The younger man protested and was met with a glare.
Jim. You can uncuff me now
roommate shook his head and tugged on the cuffs, indicating that Sandburg should
follow him out the drivers side door. When the younger man was finally standing
outside the truck he again asked for the cuffs to be taken off. Again the shake
of the head.
"Jiiiim!" begged Blair.
"I am NOT going in there with handcuffs on!" He held up his shackled
hand and pointed at it.
I dont want you bolting on me. I know how fast you can move and Im
too tired to go chasing after you tonight. Just stick close and no one will be
Sandburg mumbled under his
breath, "Im going to pay you back for this, Ellison
raised eyebrow was the only answer.
reluctantly followed Jim into the restaurant, sticking as close as possible to
his friend. They found the rest of their friends at a large booth with a pitcher
of beer and soda along with glasses for everyone. Jim indicated that Blair should
slide in first.
"Um, if I didnt
know better," started Simon as he held up the beer pitcher to pour a beer.
Ellison declined with a shake of his head. "Id say you two were joined
at the hip. Wont the ladies get the wrong impression?"
made a face at the captain and pulled his left arm up suddenly to show the handcuffs.
Simon started laughing along with the rest of their friends.
You didnt! Whatever for?" asked Megan through her giggles.
waved his hand. "I know! I know! Sandburg threatened to bolt on you and it
was the only way to keep him in the truck, right?" Blair sneered at Simon
in response as Jim nodded his head.
" sighed Megan.
guys. Jokes over. Now uncuff me, Jim. Everyones starting to look at
us!" Blair whined, sliding down in his seat, trying to be as inconspicuous
as possible. Ellison patted his pockets and looked at Simon.
made a face at his best detective and patted his pockets in return, coming up
empty-handed. Blair looked at the other detectives in panic. "Come on, guys!
Somebodys got to have a key here!"
Henri, and Joel all checked their pockets and each one shook their heads. Blair
was getting more hyper as each detective gave a negative answer. "Megan?"
asked the panicked cadet hopefully.
didnt see the silent communication going on between his best friend and
the Australian Inspector. She brought out her handbag and proceeded to pull different
items out of it. She shook her head. "Sorry, Sandy."
then a former student happened to walk by and recognize Jim. "Hi Detective
Ellison. Hows Professor Sandburg doing?"
turned his head away and tried to hide from his former student. He proceeded to
kick Jim under the table to be quiet but his friend ignored him.
dont you ask him yourself?" Off the students puzzled look, Jim
nodded his head toward the former college student on his right.
Sandburg?" asked the student cautiously.
pasted on a half-smile and brought up his left hand, wiggling his fingers at his
former student. He forgot that his left hand was still handcuffed and quickly
dropped his hand back down to his side. "Oh, hi, Ian. Hows it going?"
Sandburg? Is that really you?" Blair nodded. "How come the cuffs? Are
you under arrest?" The former teacher shook his head.
its me and no Im not under arrest. Its a little joke these guys
pulled on me
.Right guys?" Five faces gave back innocent expressions
all the while trying to keep from laughing. Ian looked at the detectives
faces and smiled.
The student looked nervously toward the bathroom and made a hasty retreat, afraid
that the detectives would try to "arrest" him also.
guys are like so dead!" threatened Blair as he looked at each of his friends
who were laughing at the students reaction and hasty retreat.
finally brought out the handcuff key and unlocked the cuffs. Blair absently rubbed
his sore wrist and glared at Ellison. "Just remember, guys, I dont
get even, I get a head!"
Hairboy!" laughed Henri as the detective reached across and ruffled the extremely
The recipient of the noogie ducked
out of the way and whined, "Not the hair, H, not the hair!"
snorted and Rafe quipped. "But theres no hair to muss up now, Sandburg!"
The young detective received a glare as a response.
saw Ian walk back out to the bar area and within a few minutes several former
students had found their way back to the detectives table. They shyly greeted
the detectives then exclaimed over Blairs short hair. The detectives smiled
indulgently at their friend, watching his reaction over the students comments.
Mr. Sandburg, youve got to come with us and see Susan and Mary! Theyre
never going to believe us!" begged the two co-eds. Blair tried to decline
but was encouraged by his friends. Jim quickly slid out of the seat and indicated
that his friend should join the younger students. Blair slowly slid out of the
seat and found himself grabbed by the girls who dragged him in the direction of
his friends. Blair raised his eyebrows as he looked back at the table. His friends
all waved their hands at him and he shrugged. They watched him until they couldnt
see him anymore.
"Should we go rescue
him?" asked Megan, concerned. The men looked at each other, shrugged and
chorused, "Nah!" Five glasses were grabbed and raised in a salute with
Megan hurriedly raising hers and clinking with the others.
he should be kept occupied for quite awhile. And with his former students all
fawning over him, and possibly some new females, hell soon realize that
the hair isnt whats important. Its the man inside that makes
.not his hair," stated Simon with an indulgent smile as
he craned his neck to see his young friend. They could hear his happy laughter
all the way at their booth and everybody grinned in relief.