to the Wind
Category: Episode Related: Sentinel
Series/sequel: Yes, third in the Close to Eden series.
Summary: Jim's thoughts at night.
Disclaimer: If you looked
in my wallet, you'd plainly see I'm not making any money off of this
had never wanted his enhanced senses, and he had never bothered to hide that fact.
However, lately he was blessing them with his every breath. They had saved Blair.
And as a bonus, hed come out of this a bit wiser. Learned a lesson. He never
intended to let anything like this happen ever again.
sat up in bed and moved so his legs were over the side, feet on the cold floor.
He bowed his head and clenched his hands. He had tried to force himself to review
the last few weeks several times, but shame or guilt or this Sentinel thing or
something had seemed to close it off. Maybe after some time passed and he had
distanced himself from the situation he could analyze it.
shifted, his mind uneasy and troubled. He reached over to his bed stand and pulled
the book off the top. Letting the book fall open, he reached out with his fingertips
and lightly ran them across the top of the page. He could feel the texture of
the paper, the darker spots where the ink was. Sandburg had taught
him how to do this, read in the dark. With his fingers. At least theyre
good for something, Jim thought, staring down at his hands, running his
eyes over the tiny indents that made up his fingerprints. He sometimes felt invincible,
these senses giving him the edge to make him a super hero. With these hands he
had stopped bombs, fired guns that ironically saved peoples lives, and done
so much more. But that day, he had kneeled there next to the fountain. And his
hands could do nothing. Oh, they had tried, tried hard. But it had been in vain.
At that moment, all of the good hed done, all the lives hed saved,
had meant nothing. When the moment hit, his hands failed. He couldnt save
the one life that was most important.
propelled himself to his feet with one angry move, throwing the book harshly onto
his bed. Had it not been night, and Sandburg not been asleep he would have broken
something, stormed around. But, as it was, the clock glowed two in the morning
and he made his steps unheard as he trekked downstairs. Tea, he mentally
mumbled. He quickly went about making it, his mind blank, not allowing himself
to think. It wasnt until he had the cup in his hands that his thoughts started
to meander again.
he had saved Blair, hadnt he?
No, he denied, that had been his Spirit Guide. It was no secret he couldnt
control it. It was like Sandburg, he compared, smiling. Letting him think he was
in control, but really being the one to pull the strings. Not that hed want
it any other way. Leaning against the island in the middle of the kitchen, he
reflectively sipped his tea. And Alex
the thought of her chilled him to
the bone. Once he was back in Cascade it felt like a bucket of freezing water
had been thrown over him, and every feeling of reprisal, hate, and murderous rage
toward her came awake with full force. I must have caught some kind of fever,
he thought, trying to see a bit of humor in this. Jungle fever. He sighed. It
wasnt that funny.
walked silently to the entrance of Blairs room, and leaned against the door.
He observed Sandburg- the Observer being Observed-, fingers absently playing with
his tea cup. With a surprised start, he looked closely at the cup in his hands.
It was one of Sandburgs, with a fancy symbol on one side, and the face of
an ancient, weathered man from a South American tribe on the other. But that wasnt
what was unique about it. Jim had borrowed it once before, and accidentally broke
it. Hed been sorry, because it was obvious it was one that Blair favored.
Upon retrospect, Jim realized he had never actually apologized for breaking it.
When Sandburg had come home from the University, he had shown it to him, explaining
what had happened.
OK, Jim, Blair had said with a smile, taking it from his hands. I
can get another. Looking back, Jim figured Sandburg must have known he was
sorry, because he hadnt seemed upset. After living with and knowing Sandburg
for so long, Jim had come to realize the way he worked. He recalled on incident
where a student had borrowed one of Blairs masks and dropped it. A sliver
of a crack was the result, running from the top right side to the middle, marring
the face. Blair was angry, and Jim asked it there was some way they could fix
not the point, man, Blair explained. The kid wasnt even sorry
about it! He just handed it back with an Oops. Now lookee here, what are
you going to do?
he had saved Blairs life, Jim
thought, moving closer and studying the peaceful face. Maybe like Blair, his Spirit
Guide was part of him, was him. Maybe
his Spirit Guide realized what his mind hadnt; some things just cant
be continued in the next installment