Title: Horrors Unspoken
Summary: Our boys. Twenty years ago.
To spice it up for you:
mine *bum bum ba dum!*
No mola *bum bum be dum!*
Theeey beloooong to Peeet
Flyyyyy *be be bum da!*
Spoilers: For the Blair Witch Project
NARRATOR: Twenty years ago we sent our
Cascade Police, Major Crimes department into the streets of Cascade to document
their journey. They disappeared without a trace. A year ago, this video (which
wasnt invented at the time, but they somehow managed to make due) was found.
fade out into
camera is on, and being fussed over by members Jim, Blair, Rafe, Brown, and, of
course, Simon. the picture is shaky and unfocused, but the viewers are able to
pick out the Cascade Police sign dimly lit neon green in the background
Blair: OK, OK! Enough of this already. Im the
cutest, Ill handle the camera.
camera is jarred terribly, and the sky is spinning around in a dizzying arch before
coming to rest at what is apparently Blairs view of the world. the outlook
is noticeably more rosy than it was before. the boys come into view, all wearing
uniforms looking suspiciously like stolen Boy Scout outfits freshly hung out to
dry on the clothesline.
right, are we all set, then?
Rafe: All set, boss.
OK, guys. Lets move out!
camera begins to bounce with Blairs footsteps. the people present day watching
the movie throw up from motion sickness. the boys strut down the streets of Cascade,
talking as they go.
Brown: And this
building was constructed in
Um, when Blair?
Thats right folks. Its a pretty old building. Lots of people
like old buildings. Some people even study old buildings. But we dont, and
were bored, so were moving on.
boys head to the more
*cough* adult section of Cascade.
Jim: OK! Now were going to have some fun!
Boys: *sigh grumble*
Guys, I know this video isnt meant for kids, but it is only PG-13.
Dont you think wed better use a little discernment?
the lads look at their shoes
were wearing Boy Scout uniforms
newsies solemnly make the Boy Scout sign
Thanks for setting us straight, Blair.
Blair: Was that
Jim: You know I never practice anything I
cant spell, Chief.
Blair: Funny, you somehow manage
looks perplexed, and is working hard on figuring out how this is an insult
Rafe: Lets get moving guys, these uniforms are terribly
Simon: Im with him on that one. Save your
tiff for later.
Brown: Did you guys hear something?
all the boys break out into hysterical laughter.
Rafe: Ha ha!
tears from his eyes
a good one, H!
Brown: No, you guys, I really hear something!
Youd think this was a horror flick or something!
fugue in F major plays
our boys are now hanging around the park, eating
outrageously expensive ice cream
I should have gone with strawberry.
Simon: Um, Rafe, maybe youd better stand over
Blair: Did anyone see that?
lads break out into laughter
suddenly, Jim gasps
Jim: Look at this, everyone!
picks up a box from the ground. the boys all crowd around him
Jim: Its a severed Beanie Baby ©!
Are Beanie Babies invented yet?
look at Blair
Blair: Why do you guys
always ask me?!
Crimes Youths: Aauuuuuuuuuuuggggh!
Boys: The Cascade Witch!
Aladdin? Where are you, you yellow-bellied coward?
You guys gotta help me! She wont leave me alone!
camera, badly shaking, focuses on Jasmine, who fixes a death-ray glare on our
boys. she advances
Major Crimes Youths and Aladdin:
the camera falls to
the ground and the screen goes black
Jim runs by, Jasmine
following, screaming after him. Jim wears a look of total panic
This film is brought to you from the abyss that is Juliets
mind. Thanks to our sponsor,
Alley Kat Toys. "Get a toy thats meant
for you and your trash!"