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Thoughts of Death
(Near Death Experience)

by Stargazer
(Nov. 16, 1999)


Warning: Very Angsty, Spoilers for S2P1/P2

Rated: PG

A missing scene for S2P1/P2 at the Water Fountain, Ranier University

This scene takes place after Alex Barnes has ordered Blair out of his office at Ranier but before Jim and the rest of Major Crimes finds the anthropologist face down in the fountain. These are Blair's thoughts of that incident.

Ugh. Push with all of your might, Sandburg. Don't let her do this to you! Don't!!!

Jim, I could really use some help here!

Okay, Alex, that's enough. You don't have to kill me. Alex? Alex? What have you got planned? I'm, I'm not ready to die here, Alex.

Can't we work this out?

Alex? No! Don't!

Cold, wet. Coughing. No, hold breath. Can't breath. Can't......




Blue? Blue? Why is everything blue?

Why am I laying on a jungle floor naked? What? Why?

Jim? Even you're blue! Why are you dressed in army fatigues?



Jim, man!

Don't, don't point that bow and arrow at me.



Aw, man, that, like *really really* hurts.

Why did you have to do that?







White light.



Wrapped in a floating sensation.

Shouldn't I be feeling something? Like warmth or cold?


Being pulled toward the light white at the end of the tunnel.

That's it. Take one step at a time, Sandburg. Don't look back.

But I need to look back.

I don't want to die. I'm too young to die.

I have waaay too many things I want to accomplish yet. Like my dissertation. Like...like....


White light.

Look back.

White light.

Look back.


I don't like choices.

Think, Sandburg, think.

I have only one choice. I want to live.

The end of the tunnel.

Look back.

Look back at blackness.

Nothing's back there any more.

Look ahead.

Nothing to live for. Jim kicked me out. Then he shot me with an arrow.

Okay, Jim. I finally got the message. Loud and clear.

I'm going man. Don't worry. I'm outta here for good.

Look toward the white light, Sandburg. Don't look back.

See? Decision made. Not too hard.

Did someone say something? I could have sworn I heard my name called.

Jim? Jim? Where are you, man? Don't play games with me! Jim!!!!

Look at the white light, Sandburg.

That's the only direction you have to go in now.

That's it.

One foot in front of the other.

One foot at a time.

That's it.







I hear growling.


I hear snarling.

A black Panther?

What is this?

It's, it's getting ready to leap.

This is not good. It's going to leap right at me.


I'm leaping into the air but I don't have legs.

I'm leaping straight at the panther.

Whoa! Did that just happen? I merged with a panther?

Like, this is *so* weird, here. Talk about bizarre stuff.

Peculiar, there's no physical pain from that union.


.Jim's calling my name.

Jim? Jim?

Cough, cough, gag.

What's happening? Why do my lungs hurt? Why do they burn?


I don't feel so good.....what's this? What happened?

Noise. I hear noise.

Crying? Sirens? Jim? Simon? Simon crying?

What the hell happened? My chest hurts. I'm all wet.

My chest hurts. Trouble...breathing.


Jim? Is that you? Jim?

Am I alive, man? Would somebody tell me if I'm alive, here?

Please? Somebody?



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