D-Day - Blair's Haircut

Blair ripped off the protective apron and jumped out of the chair. He threw his hands up in the air and stalked away. "Greta….I, I, I can’t do this! This is not me!"

His exit out the door was blocked by a large framed man with a military cut hair. Behind him was another, taller man, who crowded into the doorway, effectively blocking his exit. A third man peered around their shoulders. Sandburg looked around for another escape route and sprinted for the backroom. Just as he reached the threshold to the backroom, he was stopped by three other people fanning out, blocking his escape.

"Oh, man, this is so not fair!" stated the younger man. He backed up as the three newcomers advanced on him. They backed him right into the chair he had only moments before vacated. The hairdresser looked on in concern as Blair plopped into the chair with a grunt. Jim reached down and snagged the apron off the floor and handed it to the young lady.

She gave Jim a quizzical look and he nodded. She draped the apron around Sandburg who groaned even louder. Simon clapped his large hand on Blair’s shoulder. "Relax, Sandburg. It won’t take long….you’ll forget you ever had long hair!"

"Yeah, Chief, think about how quickly you can get ready in the morning! No hair to wrangle with to get the snarls out or blow dry…"

"Or frizzies…." piped up Megan, with a smile.

"No more Hairboy jokes…" offered Henri.

Blair sunk low in his chair as he looked from one friend to another as they spoke. "Oh, man! How did you guys find out where I was?"

Simon spread his hands out in response. "We’re detectives, remember?" Sandburg rolled his eyes in response.

"Cheer up, Blair. The ladies will still love you, even with short hair!" offered Joel in his fatherly manner.

"No they won’t, Joel. The long hair is one of the things that attracts them!" shot back Blair as he crossed his arms, making the apron billow out. "It, it defines who I am, man! In some tribal cultures the hair defines the manhood!"

Simon groaned very loudly. "Spare us the anthro talk, Blair. Just get on with it!"

"Easy for you to say, Simon….you’ve got short hair already! I’ve had this long hair since high school….I, I just can’t do it, man!"

"Chief, no haircut, no academy. Your choice here," stated Ellison ticking the points off his fingers in illustration. His friend sighed and looked even unhappier than he had. Jim was afraid that his friend and partner was going to cry any second he looked so depressed.

"Can’t I just wear a wig?" asked Blair, giving Simon his famous puppy-dog eyes. The police captain shook his head and the haircut victim shrugged his shoulders. "Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?"

"Right, Kid. That’s the first thing the academy instructor is going to look for…especially with you!" chided his captain.

The hairdresser looked pointedly at her watch and tapped her foot. Blair sighed and brought his arms out from under the plastic, making shooing motions with his hands. "Okay, guys. You can go now. I don’t need an audience for this humiliation."

The six people took a step closer, surrounding the chair and their friend. "No way, Sandburg. We’re not leaving. Especially since you already tried to escape once. We’ll see it to the end. Besides, what are friends for?" asked Simon with a feral smile. Connor stifled a giggle but not before Blair heard it.

"Oh, Sandy. I’ve even brought you an extra large evidence bag so you can keep the shorn locks as a keepsake!" Megan pulled out a plastic bag from her handbag and offered it to him.

"Cute, Megan, real cute," replied Sandburg snidely and made a face as he took the bag. "Is it going to be confiscated once I leave here and put in the evidence room?"

"Hey, now, there’s a great idea, Chief!" crowed his roommate and partner. Blair shot Jim a killing look, which the taller man reacted to by pretending to clutch his heart.

The hairdresser picked up her scissors and clicked them meaningfully. Blair shuddered and looked back at her. "Sorry about this, Greta. These are my so called friends…."

Jim motioned for Greta to proceed. Just as she was about to pick up a lock of his hair to snip off, Rafe whipped out a video camera and Henri brought out a 35-mm camera. Blair tried to bolt again but strong hands on both his shoulders kept him in place.

He sank back into the chair and groaned. "I think I’m gonna be sick…." Joel handed Blair a garbage can with a smile. "Thanks, Joel. You’re all heart!" Joel shrugged and raised an eyebrow in return.

Jim again motioned to Greta.

Snip.

Groan.

The still camera flashed and the video camera whirred.

Snip.

Moan.

Snip.

"Breathe, Blair," commanded Ellison.

Snip.

"Are you done yet?" asked the victim who had his eyes squeezed tightly shut during the process.

Greta apologized and continued cutting. Megan kept snagging the locks as the hairdresser dropped them on the floor and put them into the evidence bag.

Blair rubbed his nose as the hair tickled his proboscis. He jumped and opened his eyes as he heard the electric clippers turn on. A shudder went through his whole body as Greta applied them to his neck. "Geesh! I hate this part. Why do you think I let my hair grow long in the first place?" he asked of no one in particular. He looked down at the apron and turned white as he saw all the hair piled on his lap. "Oh, man….I shouldn’t have done that…where’s that can?" Joel shoved it in front of the distraught young man and shook his head. Blair draped his arms around the top of the can and hung his head over the edge. His body trembled as his stomach lurched. Greta stopped cutting and looked at her customer.

"Breath in, Sandburg….Good…now out through your mouth. Think about relaxing….think calming thoughts…" coached his roommate. Blair glared at his roommate but found himself obeying anyway. His stomach settled down and he was able to lift his head so the cutting could continue.

When Greta was done, Simon motioned for the sideburns to be cut off, too. She gently applied the clippers to the cheek/temple area and Blair jumped.

"Now look what you made Great do, Sandburg!" teased Ellison. "She’s gonna have to give you a buzz cut for sure now…what with the big divot she just took out of your hair…."

Sandburg groaned even louder. "This really and truly sucks, man!"

When Greta was done repairing the "slip", she dusted off Blair and grabbed a mirror. She gave it to the young man for him to inspect her work. He refused to lift the mirror.

"Come on, Sandy. Take a look. It’s not bad, not bad at all," encouraged Connor as she gently touched his now short hair. "Cute, really cute…"

Blair looked at his Australian friend, narrowed his eyes at her, and mimicked her words.

"Nice and respectable, Sandburg," pronounced Simon. "You’ll pass inspection tomorrow for sure, now."

Megan handed the evidence bag to Blair who took it gingerly. He looked at it sadly then slowly brought his hand up to feel his scalp. He patted all around his head, trying to get used to the sensation of not having the long locks to get his fingers tangled in. His hands slid down to his sideburn area to feel the clean- skin. He took a deep breath to steel himself for a look in the mirror. Rafe and Henri were ready with the cameras. He slowly turned over the mirror, but closed his eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to look, just yet. He felt a hand on his shoulder and the gentle squeeze of support. He breathed out and quickly opened his eyes, focusing into the mirror….

And screamed. Everyone jumped in surprise.

"Geez, Sandburg! Don’t do that!" complained Henri as he steadied the camera.

"Quit trying to give me a heart attack, Sandburg!" growled Banks. "You just took another 10 years off my life!"

"Only ten years?" remarked Joel. "I think my heart jumped out of my body!"

Banks shot Taggart a quick look and winked. "At this rate, I’m going to have to either go back on medical leave or retire in a couple of months!"

The rest of the Major Crimes detectives chuckled at the interchange.

Blair stood and shook off the tiny hairs from his clothes. He shook his head and ran his fingers through to shake out the little clippings. He made sure he sent them towards Simon who jumped back with a growl. Blair shrugged his shoulders with a sad smile. Jim clapped his friend on the shoulder and steered him toward the front desk. Greta followed the detectives. Megan reached down and grabbed Blair’s backpack that he forgot.

"Uh, Sandy?" she called holding up the backpack. Blair turned around and thanked her.

"Oh, man, it’s already starting!" groaned the newly shorn cadet.

"What?" asked Rafe.

"The memory loss! Lose the hair, lose the memory!" explained Blair.

"Oh, come on, Blair. You really don’t believe that stuff do you?" scoffed Joel pointing to his head.

"You know… there is basis in fact for the Samson and Delilah stories, Joel…." replied Blair, beginning to go into lecture mode.

Jim snorted and tried to cuff his roommate. Blair dodged the cuff and set his backpack down. He drew out his wallet and grabbed money out of it. Simon stopped him and pulled out his own wallet. Blair’s eyes got big and round as he realized that his captain was going to pay for Blair’s haircut. The young man gave the captain an inquiring look.

"Only this time, Sandburg," stated the Captain as he handed the money to the hairdresser. "Consider it my apology for you having to get your hair cut."

"Gee, thanks, Simon!"

"Just don’t mention it to anyone else but these guys," replied Simon as he indicated the rest of the detectives. "And that means you, too, miss."

Greta smiled and nodded. "Now maybe you’ll come more often, Blair. Remember, every six weeks, or sooner, if you hair grows really fast!" Blair made a face at her and nodded. He waved goodbye to her as Ellison steered him out the door and towards the big blue and white Ford truck.

"Hey, Jim…I did drive, ya know."

"I know. That’s why you’re going to give your car keys to Henri. He’ll follow us in your car. I don’t want you ducking out on me, and going all weird in some kind of depression over the hair cut," explained his roommate as he slammed the passenger door. Blair tossed Henri the keys who grinned evilly at him. The newly shorn cadet groaned at the African American detective.

"Hey! You be careful with my car, H!" admonished Sandburg as he leaned out the truck window.

Laughter was the only response as H unlocked the car, climbed inside, and roared the engine to life, and zoomed past the Ford truck. "Hey!" yelled Sandburg after the retreating old Volvo. A large hand waved out the window in salute. "Oh, man! My car’s never going to survive his driving! Where the heck is H going? You said he was going to follow us to the Loft, Jim."

"Cheer up, Sandburg…He knows the way. Besides, we’re not going to the loft. The gang’s going to meet us over at Luigi’s restaurant." Jim winked at his friend, knowing that Luigi’s was the best place in town to meet single woman and thus, one of Blair’s favorite restaurants.

Blair wiggled his eyebrows in anticipation then frowned. "Oh no, man. Not Luigi’s! I can’t go in there…. I’ll be the laughing stock of the place. All the bartenders and servers know me…. Just, just drop me off at the Loft, will you? I…I…I can’t go in there like this." He pointed to his regulation haircut. He looked at his friend and beseeched, "Come on Jim! Have a heart here! Just take me home…. Now! I am NOT going into Luigi’s. Not tonight or ever again!"

Jim could tell that his friend was getting all worked up over the restaurant. He shot a look at Blair and grinned, "Never say never, Sandburg!"

Blair begged through his clenched his teeth. "I’m begging you, man! Not Luigi’s….if you won’t take me home, then I’ll walk home. Just let me out here…I’m history!" He quickly undid his seatbelt and began to open the door when a large hand quickly grabbed his upper left arm in a vise-like grip. He tried to pry the imprisoning fingers off.

"Let go, Jim….Iam not going to Luigi’s! And that’s final!" He heard the sudden clink and snick of a pair of handcuffs slapped onto his left wrist and he yelled. "Hey! What the hell are you doing?"

Jim grinned evilly at Sandburg and quickly snapped the other cuff to his own wrist. "Making sure you don’t do anything stupid and jump while the truck’s moving….And making sure you make it to the restaurant in one piece."

"Aw, Jim. This is so not funny, man! Pull over and take these off me!"

"No can do, Chief. You’re going where I’m going. Besides, I’m bigger than you. Or would you like me to place you under arrest for disorderly conduct?"

Blair’s face fell and his eyes bugged out. "Oh man, you wouldn’t!"

"Try me, Junior," shot back his captor. "Now get back in the truck and shut the door. You’re holding up traffic."

Blair sighed heavily and slammed the door dejectedly. He slumped in the seat and put his seatbelt back on, finding it difficult to maneuver with only one free hand.

The trip to the restaurant was made in silence with Blair contemplating his shoes the whole time. Ellison kept glancing at his roommate and saw how depressed the younger man was. The detective almost turned toward home but then thought better of it. He wanted his friend to realize that his social life hadn’t ended when Blair had gotten his hair cut. They pulled into the back parking lot and Sandburg was pulled suddenly in the direction of Jim as the driver put the car into park. The younger man protested and was met with a glare.

"Okay, Jim. You can uncuff me now…."

His roommate shook his head and tugged on the cuffs, indicating that Sandburg should follow him out the driver’s side door. When the younger man was finally standing outside the truck he again asked for the cuffs to be taken off. Again the shake of the head.

"Jiiiim!" begged Blair. "I am NOT going in there with handcuffs on!" He held up his shackled hand and pointed at it.

"Sorry, Chief. I don’t want you bolting on me. I know how fast you can move and I’m too tired to go chasing after you tonight. Just stick close and no one will be the wiser."

Sandburg mumbled under his breath, "I’m going to pay you back for this, Ellison…." A raised eyebrow was the only answer.

Blair reluctantly followed Jim into the restaurant, sticking as close as possible to his friend. They found the rest of their friends at a large booth with a pitcher of beer and soda along with glasses for everyone. Jim indicated that Blair should slide in first.

"Um, if I didn’t know better," started Simon as he held up the beer pitcher to pour a beer. Ellison declined with a shake of his head. "I’d say you two were joined at the hip. Won’t the ladies get the wrong impression?"

Blair made a face at the captain and pulled his left arm up suddenly to show the handcuffs. Simon started laughing along with the rest of their friends.

"Oh, Jim…You didn’t! Whatever for?" asked Megan through her giggles.

Simon waved his hand. "I know! I know! Sandburg threatened to bolt on you and it was the only way to keep him in the truck, right?" Blair sneered at Simon in response as Jim nodded his head.

"Oh, Sandy…" sighed Megan.

"Okay, guys. Joke’s over. Now uncuff me, Jim. Everyone’s starting to look at us!" Blair whined, sliding down in his seat, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Ellison patted his pockets and looked at Simon.

"Sir?"

Simon made a face at his best detective and patted his pockets in return, coming up empty-handed. Blair looked at the other detectives in panic. "Come on, guys! Somebody’s got to have a key here!"

Rafe, Henri, and Joel all checked their pockets and each one shook their heads. Blair was getting more hyper as each detective gave a negative answer. "Megan?" asked the panicked cadet hopefully.

Blair didn’t see the silent communication going on between his best friend and the Australian Inspector. She brought out her handbag and proceeded to pull different items out of it. She shook her head. "Sorry, Sandy."

Just then a former student happened to walk by and recognize Jim. "Hi Detective Ellison. How’s Professor Sandburg doing?"

Blair turned his head away and tried to hide from his former student. He proceeded to kick Jim under the table to be quiet but his friend ignored him.

"Why don’t you ask him yourself?" Off the student’s puzzled look, Jim nodded his head toward the former college student on his right.

"Professor Sandburg?" asked the student cautiously.

Blair pasted on a half-smile and brought up his left hand, wiggling his fingers at his former student. He forgot that his left hand was still handcuffed and quickly dropped his hand back down to his side. "Oh, hi, Ian. How’s it going?"

"Professor Sandburg? Is that really you?" Blair nodded. "How come the cuffs? Are you under arrest?" The former teacher shook his head.

"Yes it’s me and no I’m not under arrest. It’s a little joke these guys pulled on me….Right guys?" Five faces gave back innocent expressions all the while trying to keep from laughing. Ian looked at the detectives’ faces and smiled.

"Wow! Cool!" The student looked nervously toward the bathroom and made a hasty retreat, afraid that the detectives would try to "arrest" him also.

"You guys are like so dead!" threatened Blair as he looked at each of his friends who were laughing at the student’s reaction and hasty retreat.

Jim finally brought out the handcuff key and unlocked the cuffs. Blair absently rubbed his sore wrist and glared at Ellison. "Just remember, guys, I don’t get even, I get a head!"

"Not anymore Hairboy!" laughed Henri as the detective reached across and ruffled the extremely short hair.

The recipient of the noogie ducked out of the way and whined, "Not the hair, H, not the hair!"

Henri snorted and Rafe quipped. "But there’s no hair to muss up now, Sandburg!" The young detective received a glare as a response.

They saw Ian walk back out to the bar area and within a few minutes several former students had found their way back to the detectives’ table. They shyly greeted the detectives then exclaimed over Blair’s short hair. The detectives smiled indulgently at their friend, watching his reaction over the students’ comments.

"Oh, Mr. Sandburg, you’ve got to come with us and see Susan and Mary! They’re never going to believe us!" begged the two co-eds. Blair tried to decline but was encouraged by his friends. Jim quickly slid out of the seat and indicated that his friend should join the younger students. Blair slowly slid out of the seat and found himself grabbed by the girls who dragged him in the direction of his friends. Blair raised his eyebrows as he looked back at the table. His friends all waved their hands at him and he shrugged. They watched him until they couldn’t see him anymore.

"Should we go rescue him?" asked Megan, concerned. The men looked at each other, shrugged and chorused, "Nah!" Five glasses were grabbed and raised in a salute with Megan hurriedly raising hers and clinking with the others.

"Well, he should be kept occupied for quite awhile. And with his former students all fawning over him, and possibly some new females, he’ll soon realize that the hair isn’t what’s important. It’s the man inside that makes him special….not his hair," stated Simon with an indulgent smile as he craned his neck to see his young friend. They could hear his happy laughter all the way at their booth and everybody grinned in relief.

Finis

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